Ever since I can remember I’ve been struggling with my body image. And it’s sad to admit although I’m pretty sure that most of the girls reading this RN can totally relate. Right?
As I’m swiftly moving over to the to next paragraph of this article, I feel the need to say it how it is.
I’ve been thinking on how to approach this subject for a long time, regardless of the content plan I might have on my agenda. Do I just tell my life story (and perhaps bore everyone to death) or do I start with a glam lifestyle body treatment possibly about-to-go-viral chat on how to follow the latest trend so it can change your life forever. None of these felt right so I’ve been going back and forth with this, deleting drafts and starting all over again.
Anyway, back to the body image. So, here I am – in my late twenties, reflecting back on life with a wardrobe full of size ranges anywhere between UK 4-10. Simply because I’ve never been the same size for a long period of time.
Celebs (and some of the big bloggers btw) along with modern fashion trends inspire us to look a certain way and some of these messages are still about that skinny = beautiful thing. We’ve all heard the iconic skip dinner wake up thinner phrase, right? Well guess what, it’s been set as my desktop background pic once. Because no matter how many times I will regret saying this, I’ve always been dying to be skinny too. Perhaps, in my case it’s more to do with my own personal issues, who knows. But it is what it is. Dieting, excessive exercising, stress – I’ve been through it all. And it only took someone’s “oh how well you look with more weight on” comment for me to once go completely anorexic. Yes, I was a scary size 4, excited and trying on the smallest things in stores thinking how to tailor them a little just to fit me better. Not going to lie, I was surprisingly happy. Yet people would often comment on how skinny I was, just not as a compliment..
Here are some snaps of the-happy-size-6-me, just before my weight has taken a sharper drop.
It was actually quite a hard period of my life at the same time. I’ve just lost a parent and fed myself antidepressants to cope with everything. Then I’ve decided to change my career, got a new job which was creative yet way more physical than I imagined. Followed with diet changes and size going up. And up, and up.. AND UP.
A couple of years down the line from people wanting to feed me I now hardly fit in my size 8 Jonni jeans. Who am I kidding, I’m not tiny at all! But it’s ok, as I actually don’t look that bad. I might have gone hardcore on doughnuts and wine over the past couple of years, although I still have (some) shape from when I was exercising like hell in that same gym where I got that fate-changing comment. And, afterall, I’m realising one thing more and more – it’s NOT and never should be about the size. It’s how you deal with your body. Afterall, any problem area is possible to change as long as you work on it. So many girls are far from an 8 nowadays and they look incredible. F* the size.
So where do I go from now? I’ve had a good think on what’s bothering me about my body and how I could change it. Becoming healthier is the first right step to take for sure.
Healthy is a broad term and everyone sees it differently. You can be healthy and tiny, as well as healthy with a shape on ya. Some people get it twisted though when they’re consuming a litre of coke daily on the way to Burger King claiming to be the ambassadors of curvy & healthy. BS! In my opinion it’s just as bad as advertising to skip dinner and wake up thinner. Healthy is all about making the right choices for YOUR BODY. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not to slam down the fast food addicts (including myself, btw haha) I just want to set the record straight. That’s all.
WHAT MADE ME HAPPIER TODAY?
First of all, I’ve now accepted my body (as cringe as it sounds). Yet I kept looking at the recent snaps of me whilst realising more and more that the same areas have been bothering me throughout the years / sizes. It’s actually my legs. Apart from an awkward fat proportion that for some reason gathered around that bottom area I’ve also discovered nasty cellulite (aka orange skin) which mostly appeared at the back of the legs. Something had to be done and going down the plastic surgery route was a huge no-no. This is when I’ve googled and discovered carboxytherapy.
In case you’re new to the term, carboxytherapy is a non-surgical procedure that involves CO2 gas (what we breathe) injection in any target body zones, something that then gets flashed out with toxins. I really loved the sound of that treatment as apart from reducing mass it tightens the skin, renews the cells so your body produces more oxygen and ultimately is in a healthier form.
To be honest I got so carbo-xited I even tried it on my face. I think it’s such a nice and rewarding feeling to start something new and see yourself progress towards that goal with confidence!
So, after accepting my normal size 10 I’m opting for a healthy body shape and not the size change.